Hmmm. The Great British Sewing Bee. I’m trying to hold back…but…must…SNARK! If you are of a delicate disposition, please move to another post, this one is not for you. If you can’t cope with mean, snarky comments, you picked the wrong blogger!
First, the good bits: I LOVE THE NEW EDNA MODE LOOKALIKE PRESENTER!
Amaze a balls as my daughter would say. She can move in with us immediately, she knows her stuff, says what she thinks, and may even BE MEAN TO CONTESTANTS AT SOME POINT…I hope. Mr Beardy seems quite intimidated by her, which is A Good Thing in my book.
Why am I watching [again] ? To have something to shout at of course, I do love an occasional unreality show, and the sheer ruddy inconsistency of the judging on this has always given me plenty to shout at. Mrs You-KNow-When-You’ve-Been-Tangoed is appalling, Mr Beardy is a pompous ass, and Mrs Mumsy was a dreadful judge, praising one garment over another against all evidence. [Did she think she was on a radio show? WE COULD SEE all those wonky hems and tatty understitching!]
Yeah yeah, I know it’s all edited, and the time constraints are truly ridiculous, but meh, they offered themselves up like lambs to my slaughter pen, I shall have at ’em!
So, episode 1.
A couple of the contestants seem quite personable, a couple seem quite skilled, a couple seem quite talented. I don’t think the three categories overlapped anywhere noticeable yet. It was all a bit underwhelming really, the bias challenge caused more grief than you’d expect, and I was deeply irked by Mrs Tango’s gibberish as ever…let’s introduce drama by shouting at contestants for no reason, trying to make attaching a bias neckband sound Nobel Prize worthy, and making weird faces. [What do you mean, she was born with it?]
Anyway, a big fat meh.
Then the alterations. Now I freely admit that I HATE alterations/remodelling, avoid it like the plague, and doubt that I could come up with anything interesting within an hour and a half. But bloody hell, I wouldn’t have made a ruddy skirt as most of the contestants did. And certainly not a crappily made, mis-shapen one, as most of them did. [Especially as they are told in advance of the final challenge, and it was, you guessed it, a SKIRT!!!]
So all told, 2 garments each, and pretty rubbish they all were. Come on now, they were. Admit it. It’s allowed, you don’t have to be nice!
Then they all made a skirt, and Mr Beardy droned on and on about how they were looking for perfect fit. And then all but one of the contestants made great big foofy things that only needed a ruddy waistband. The right one won [for once], with a really well-fitted pencil skirt…possibly too fitted as I somehow doubt she would be able to sit down in it, but that wasn’t in the brief lol
Not a HUGE amount to shout at, apart from Mrs Tango, some really poor sewing, and contestants who can’t cut out without panicking [why do they audition for the show if they’re such utter noobs?]
Ah well. That’s enough for now, I’m hoping to get a really good rant on as the contestants’ numbers reduce…
And no, I wouldn’t go on it. My wife has the giggles every time someone suggests it, and says the bleep machine would probably catch fire at rehearsals. Don’t know what she means.