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Oh Bee-Have [Episode 1, GBSB]

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Hmmm.  The Great British Sewing Bee.  I’m trying to hold back…but…must…SNARK!  If you are of a delicate disposition, please move to another post, this one is not for you.  If you can’t cope with mean, snarky comments, you picked the wrong blogger!

First, the good bits:  I LOVE THE NEW EDNA MODE LOOKALIKE PRESENTER!

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Amaze a balls as my daughter would say.  She can move in with us immediately, she knows her stuff, says what she thinks, and may even BE MEAN TO CONTESTANTS AT SOME POINT…I hope.  Mr Beardy seems quite intimidated by her, which is  A Good Thing in my book.

Why am I watching [again] ?  To have something to shout at of course, I do love an occasional unreality show, and the sheer ruddy inconsistency of the judging on this has always given me plenty to shout at. Mrs You-KNow-When-You’ve-Been-Tangoed is appalling, Mr Beardy is a pompous ass, and Mrs Mumsy was a dreadful judge, praising one garment over another against all evidence.  [Did she think she was on a radio show?  WE COULD SEE all those wonky hems and tatty understitching!]

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Ahem.

Yeah yeah, I know it’s all edited, and the time constraints are truly ridiculous, but meh, they offered themselves up like lambs to my slaughter pen, I shall have at ’em!

So, episode 1.

A couple of the contestants seem quite personable, a couple seem quite skilled, a couple seem quite talented.  I don’t think the three categories overlapped anywhere noticeable yet.  It was all a bit underwhelming really, the bias challenge caused more grief than you’d expect, and I was deeply irked by Mrs Tango’s gibberish as ever…let’s introduce drama by shouting at contestants for no reason, trying to make attaching a bias neckband sound Nobel Prize worthy, and making weird faces.  [What do you mean, she was born with it?]

Anyway, a big fat meh.

Then the alterations.  Now I freely admit that I HATE alterations/remodelling, avoid it like the plague, and doubt that I could come up with anything interesting within an hour and a half.  But bloody hell, I wouldn’t have made a ruddy skirt as most of the contestants did.  And certainly not a crappily made, mis-shapen one, as most of them did. [Especially as they are told in advance of the final challenge, and it was, you guessed it,  a SKIRT!!!]

So all told, 2 garments each, and pretty rubbish they all were.  Come on now, they were.  Admit it.  It’s allowed, you don’t have to be nice!

Then they all made a skirt, and Mr Beardy droned on and on about how they were looking for perfect fit.  And then all but one of the contestants made great big foofy things that only needed a ruddy waistband.  The right one won [for once], with a really well-fitted pencil skirt…possibly too fitted as I somehow doubt she would be able to sit down in it, but that wasn’t in the brief lol

Not a HUGE amount to shout at, apart from Mrs Tango, some really poor sewing, and contestants who can’t cut out without panicking [why do they audition for the show if they’re such utter noobs?]

Ah well.  That’s enough for now, I’m hoping to get a really good rant on as the contestants’ numbers reduce…

And no, I wouldn’t go on it.  My wife has the giggles every time someone suggests it, and says the bleep machine would probably catch fire at rehearsals.  Don’t know what she means.

19 thoughts on “Oh Bee-Have [Episode 1, GBSB]”

  1. I really like the new judge and think she’s very stylish. I agree on the skirt that won – it was a really good fit. If my arse was like the model’s I’d want a skirt like that.

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  2. I think even people who sew all the time might buckle under the time constraints. It was strange though when the presenter was asking if they had done various things before, and mostly they had only done the thing once!

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    1. I presume that they choose contestants and tasks to cause as much flummox as possible- why begin with bias work, and pattern matching and call it ‘basic’? I avoided both for many, many years, and even now, I’m too lazy to bother with pattern matching unless I have to! The timing is always very odd, and totally unbelievable. I love cutting out, and I’m fast…but to include cutting time in these challenges seems very fake. Ah illusion!

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  3. I like the new judge, and the presenter. Bias cut and stripe matching isn’t basic, nor is getting bias binding to sit right on a bias cut neckline, especially if your fabric has a mind of its own. The alteration challenge was dire, only bright point was having a judge who said how disappointed she was. Yet who could turn a nasty drab viscose maternity tent into a stunning well constructed thing of beauty in 90 minutes? Some nice skirts though. I think most of us who sew a lot would balk at taking part. They all deserve a medal for not effing and blinding, chucking the equipment across the room or flouncing off.

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    1. Judge-good, ‘presenter’-ew. Can’t abide the woman lol That maternity dress was horrible wasn’t it? I had no clue what I would have done with it…dusters perhaps. I think that some flouncing and chucking would be very entertaining, too much niceness soon cloys!

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  4. I’m glad I found someone else shouting at the telly throughout! Still really enjoyed it though, it is sewing of a kind, after all. The new judge is interesting and I’m keen to see more of her personality and thoughts in the next few episodes, but she’s definitely turning into the villain of the show, with Patrick now relegated to being the nice one, which must be a bit of a difficult adjustment for him. I just wish they would do a “project runway” type format, or at least one with contestants at the top of their game, rather than pandering to the lowest common denominator. I’m with you on the swearing too. My kids always said I would never get on the Bee unless it was after 9pm, well they can now eat their ****ing words!

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    1. I used to love project runway, their mad challenges were far more fun- a dress out of sweets or hardware, or stationary etc etc. These remodelling things are just silly. I’m not much interested in seeing someone fumble through following a simple pattern, and I don’t think it ‘encourages beginners’ as they make everything sound so complicated! I mean, all my seams end up being different lengths by the time I get to the end, I just whack the excess off… Still it makes for interesting viewing, Game of Thrones followed by GBSB rofl

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  6. Not made my mind up about the new “expert” yet – just hope she’s less of a dork than the last one. I couldn’t fathom why none of the “best amateur sewer in England” thought to stabilise the necks of their bias tops – seems obvious. The maternity dress thing had so much fabric including the lining but such bloody dull results – ghastly. I loved the winning pencil skirt – it was as tight as a flamenco dress skirt and – yes, you can sit down in them – Lovely to have it back – great shouting at the telly evenings in store!

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    1. I’m amazed in every season at how weak the skills of some of them are- how would you have the nerve to even enter? It’d be like entering masterchef when you can only use a microwave…

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  8. Thank goodness I’m not the only one shouting at the telly. I suspect Edna may turn out to be tv gold, as you say she might even get nasty at some point (video recorders at the ready!) . I made the same point about the standard of some entrants being, hmmmm, shaky. The Management reckoned they were in as they would need early sacrifices. Possibly?

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  9. I love the new presenter and thought that she looked like Edna Mode too. Not such a bad thing, especially as she was based on Edith Head. I hope that she keeps saying what she thinks. Some of the refashions were a bit basic. I have a sneaking suspicion that the sewing skills of the contestants in this series may not be as strong as previously. It isn’t looking that way but hard to tell after one episode. I would have loved to get together and sew with a lot of people but not on telly. I have a mouth like a sailor with Tourette’s when I am sewing (or doing anything come to think about it) so wouldn’t make for family viewing. The pencil skirt was lovely and a great fit. I would love one like that but sadly only if I got the arse to go with it. I would so apply if they brought back Project Catwalk. That was one of my favourites especially Wayne and his lovely clothes. Xx

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  10. Hah, oh how I loved this post! Never seen/can’t see it in Italy. Sounds good for a laugh though; I’ll watch it on Utube! I’ll need to if I’m to work out which one is Edna. After eliminating the beardy one, it could be either of the other two – one has the colour, and the other has the stature, cut and specs.
    I hate refashions. “Take a perfectly functional garment and hack it into something unwearable”. It’s black hole “creativity”; I prefer to keep mine on an unfettered upward spiral.
    Baci Sxx
    sarsaparillasal.blogspot.it

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  11. Hello missus. The Great British sewing bee continues to be shite. I watched the first episode on YouTube in the vain hope that there might have been a shake-up in the format. How a teacher at Central St Martin’s can associate herself with this travesty and continue to have credibility is beyond me. One episode is enough.

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